February 1, 2008

平衡木

今天和J見面,開頭很愉快,結尾很糟。

逛街的時候,不知是意興闌珊/太想睡覺/心情不佳,J總是直直向前走,沒有停留也沒有駐足,我只能慢慢跟在後頭,想停下來看兩眼,喊了聲,他還是頭也不回繼續走,我走進店裡逛了一圈出來,還得趕緊跟上已經遠走的人。走完一段,J只丟來一句:「好像逃出來了」,是呀,他是逃得很起勁,我也在後面追得很費力。

我那時候有了情緒。

又不是誰逼了誰,有必要擺個臉讓我看嗎?一直嚷嚷想睡,到是嫌逛街悶?還是嫌我悶?

真正發怒的時候,我通常一語不發,於是我也直直往前走,以為當個跟班很好受嗎?你也試試看啊。

但結束之後,心裡還是不好過。

我從來不懂得,到底該怎麼交朋友,人際關係的秘密,我學不會,也猜不透,就像走在平衡木上,左傾,右斜,究竟該怎麼拿捏分寸,什麼時候該要進退,我總是在游移之間便踉蹌,或是栽了個大跟頭,就從平衡木上摔下去,有時以為前面有危險,還自願跳下平衡木。

電影Erin Brockovich裡,Erin的老闆最後跟她說了句話:Does school teach you how to apologize? Because you suck at it.



Yes, I truly suck at it. I really don't know how to apologize.

I always hurt people in the bad way, obvious because I am really afraid to be hurt.

Who in the world can tolerate a stupid person like this one? I don't think so.

Right at this moment, I really want to cry.

.....

1 comment:

Lisa Gina said...

在"鬼屋The Haunted Mansion"這部電影裡
水晶球Madame Leota有句台詞是
"You try, you fail,
You try, you fail,
but it's a true failure when you stop trying."
然後她給男主角Jim 的建議是
"Try Again!!"
反正人生本來就是跌跌撞撞地學習不是嗎
有心要試就會有進步囉
就別拿句玩笑話來苛責自己了吧~ ^^